Dream - real

A colleague had bought a vibrator, shaped something like a cross between a TV remote control and a toy car. How surprising, I thought, how mildly shocking even. I shouldn't be surprised actually, I thought.

It had several buzzing nodules on it.

It had been left in the fireplace (there are fireplaces in most of the rooms of our parental home). Later, I saw that my mother had placed a pile of burning coals in the grate.

The vibrator! I thought. I have to rescue it! I dug the dildo out of the coals, without letting my mother know what I was salvaging.

I brushed the coal dust off it and blew on it to cool it down. It was largely undamaged and it still worked.

I believe it was a Nike vibrator.

Love story

Is it a cheap publicity stunt or is it real kung-fu?
We’re publicity cunts, AND ERM we live and thrive in
Crackling maraccas of static, we’ll attack
Like a polar bear in the queue at the Hema
We stare off the stares
Aways next in line
Riff: “Deh deh dair de deh deh deh-dair deh
C’mon c’mon c’mon touch me babe
Can’t you see that i am not afraid?
Are you being over-kissed? I started off sculpting you
Now there’s more
More sense
The bedroom invites us to terror
I’m torturing Carly
She’s coming early
So I won’tOh I won’t
This is where the magic happens
Where? What magic?
Spam e-mail advises me that there are 3 distinct ways to ensure that my partner has 'earth-shattering' orgasms.
What was that promise that you made?
Neither of us wants to shatter the earth in this way. Leave the earth out of it.
What's with "give your partner earth-shattering orgasms"? It's not a gift in the same way that a book about gravel gardens or a CD by Johnny Cash is a gift.
Though generosity plays a role, orgasms require collaborative effort, not just what Woody Allen referred to as 'astonishing sexual technique'.
Why won’t you tell me what she said?
Blunt passions sweet big little friend
I started sculpting you, the curve of your hips, the carve
Of your lips, then I laid you on the table, ham slam, fatherfucker man
Sucking on your titties
Make a whining noise as you hold the mosquito in the air
Thick with chocolate smoke and zoom it in and around the audience of art students
It makes an eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee noise
You know there’s a tunnel from the Stedekestraat all the way
To the digital age, the snot, the rage, the bubble rap days
I started off sculpting you, my Pygmalion, my awesome sum of awe
I will finish the job with a Republican tantrum, hacking up
Kots koninginenUw majesteit, uw frisky distels
A hissy-fit, the screaming abdabs
You're pissed, let’s settle this with pistols
Now, I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky
For you and I
Yay!!
Cinderalla becomes Sexyrella, the deep-fried wife
The bubbling Dopamine from sexual intercourse
Running thru my veins like nightmare sheep
My brain a glass of free range pigs
Our shoes melted, fused to our feets
As we swim in tomorrow’s daylight
Oh you, you..you