Tony Blair will fight a pirate chief to prove he has the mettle to be a brave inspiring leader. His fear is finding a weapon that will not break or shatter. The chains on the harbour might serve well as weapons, but he cannot detach them.
Before the fight, Blair undergoes an ordeal of eating. He must eat worms, raw fish and raw chicken. He drops the worm in his lap, enjoys the fish but refuses the chicken. His advisors are furious.
It is time to fight. Cherie Blair says she prefers his teeth before they were bleached. He nods but it is clear that he is very nervous. He walks to a saloon door whose top half he opens, just as in cowboy films. A large-breasted woman appears. "Son, you must fight" she says.
Blair dances around the pirate chief, waving daggers and flailing his skinny arms. The pirate stops mid-fight to take a drink. Blair stabs him.
TASK: look up 'mettle'
TASK: say it a) with a Cockney accent
b) with a Manchester accent
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